Have you missed me? I am painfully aware of the fact that I have not blogged for more than two weeks and my readership may be wondering where I am. Of course one of my readers lives with me so should be expected to know exactly where I am. Then again we haven’t seen a lot of each other just recently and even though I set off for work this morning he can’t be certain I’m there now.
I am, by the way, at least if I publish this post before 6.00pm.
Coincidentally, things not being where they should be has been a bit of a problem for me just recently. In the past few weeks, I have misplaced my keys to my mum’s flat, a roll of bin liners and my blogspiration (a handy portmanteau word meaning “inspiration to blog” – I’m not saying I invented it but I’ve never seen or heard it before so make of that what you will).
My mother believes that if something unaccountably goes missing it’s because the Devil has borrowed it and will return it when he’s finished with it. My mother also believes there are women in Southern Italy who lock their husbands out of the house when there’s a full moon because they turn into wolves. Just saying. Following her logic (on the Devil, not men turning into wolves) I have come to the conclusion that, inspired by my post about Marie Kondo, the Devil decided to declutter my mum’s flat and guest-blog about it here.
I’m not quite sure how I feel about the idea that the Devil might be reading my blog. Should I be scared or flattered. Should I try to encourage him to be a little bit less … evil? And what if he starts posting comments? I never knew blogging was going to be so complicated.
Anyway, he’s obviously changed his plans, as all the missing items have reappeared with no sign of a blog post by the Evil One. My blogspiration has returned, bringing with it several ideas for the future. The bin liners turned up in the drawer where we keep aluminium foil and clingfilm.
And then there’s the keys. This is where it gets spooky. My mum’s flat is in a small block for the elderly with doors you have to zap with a key fob to get in. Having done that, the doors will open for about 15 seconds before they lock again. I used my keys to get into the building, then into the flat. I couldn’t find them when I was ready to leave. I turned out all my pockets. I turned them out again. I checked up my sleeves, in my ears and down the back of my neck. I did not have my keys.
I did not have my keys because they were on the back seat of my car. Which you will realise, if you’ve understood the last paragraph, is a physical impossibility. So how did they get there?
The Devil only knows.
Because he put them there.